Fear #1 that triggers the Safety Brain to take over? Fear Of Change
Fear #2 that triggers everyone's Safety Brain to take over? Fear of Rejection
What is fear Number Three?
We'll look from a different angle. There are only three reasons that a horse would actually stand and fight a sabre-toothed tiger. For the most part, one of the herd would see the sabre-tooth tiger coming and give the danger signal and the whole herd would take off running. That's what humans are like. However, just like horses, there are three reasons that a human would stand and fight a sabre-toothed tiger. These are our last three fears.
So the question is: what is ONE reason that a horse would stand and fight a sabre-toothed tiger?
Fear Number Three is Cornered. If a horse is cornered and it can't run, then it will fight, it has no choice. It's either fight or die and probably fight AND die as a sabre-toothed tiger has the advantage!
Humans are the same way but often, cornered for us, is psychological. If we feel we have no choice, we've tried everything else; we will get defensive and attack.
Feeling cornered doesn't make sense. There are ALWAYS choices; always 100 or more ways of handling any situation. To feel cornered means that we've narrowed our focus to two choices. We either have to "do it their way" or explode - get defensive and attack.
And of course that's not true.
This is the only cause of stress. In my one-day workshop "Stress Management for Women" and "Stress Management for Professionals" people start to realize that there really is only one cause of their stress.
It's their thoughts and beliefs that "I'm cornered." "I have no choice." "I'm stuck in a rut." "There's nothing I can do about it." "I have to do it this way (his way; her way; the company's way... )"
When you listen to someone talking about how stressed they are, they will actually say one of the above phrases or something close to it.
And it's not true. There are always a hundred, a thousand, even a million choices on how to handle a situation; what to do about a person; how to overcome circumstances. But once we start telling ourselves that "There's nothing we can do about it!" our safety brains take over, we're stuck in illogical, irrational thinking, and we start building the feeling of being cornered, because we repeat the thought out loud and in the backs of our heads, over and over and over.
So here's a quick-fix for those of you experiencing some stress.
When you feel the stress coming on, repeat this sentence until you feel the sense of release.
"I have chosen to handle this situation the way I'm handling it. There are other choices."
That's it. That's all you have to do to get your Safety Brain to release it's hold and allow your Thinking Brain back in the loop where you can decide to handle the situation different. To get your Safety Brain to release you simply engage in the logical thought process that you do have other choices. You might not make any of those other choices, but they exist!
We still have to explore the last two fears that trigger the Safety Brain to take over.
Jeanette Kasper -- Your Anger UnTangler
Defuse (or Delete) difficult people in your life. Neutralize your anger. DON'T smack them upside the head! No more bodies buried under the copier!
Get Mrs. Kasper's first best-seller "Anger Is NOT An Emotion" to completely understand how our Safety Brains work and how easy it is to gain control of your anger, and deal with other angry, difficult people in your life. You'll get thousands of tips, tricks, and techniques for remaining calm in the face of others' anger, AND in not letting your anger take over!
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