When large scale violence strikes very close to us, we ask "Why?!"
Whereas Small Violences surround us every day and mostly go ignored.
Its in how adults speak words of anger and belittlement to a child, strike an animal, refuse to eat and still see a fat person in the mirror, assault our bodies with smoke, chemicals, and mountains of crappy foods, scream insults at each other at a fender bender, hurl "the finger" at perfect strangers, tear ourselves down with our self talk, one child bullies another, a man hits a woman, a woman hits a child, sling stinging words at people we profess to love. The list could go on for pages without even escalating to the point of large scale violence using guns, but I think you get the picture.
The Small Violences are akin to rust eating metal, water eroding soil, cancer cells slowly killing its host, apathy destroying a marriage. It is all around us and in us. And for the most part we ignore it, walk past it, shrug it off, momentarily feel badly, or deny it, whether we just witness it or indulge in it.
The multiple wars raging on our planet are large-scale violence, and not the subject of this article, but even within the large scale there is a plethora of Small Violences. Simply showing snippets of images on TV "news", not just shown once but over and over again to continually assault the senses, is one. This Small Violence began with the Viet Nam war. I recall watching on TV as one man in a uniform pointed a gun at the head of another man (civilian) kneeling at his feet with hands tied behind him, and firing a bullet into his head. I still hold that image in my brain. A Small Violence to me and anyone else who saw it.
My point is not to go on and on about the actual violence that is in our daily, hourly, minute-by-minute lives but to remind you to open your ears and eyes and hearts; to acknowledge it when you do see it, hear it, feel it whether you are an observer or a participant.
And herein begins the unfolding answer to "Why?" when mass shootings of innocent people are perpetrated in places likes malls, schools, restaurants and theaters in our own neighborhoods.
We are privy to many examples of violence being the answer to problems in entertainment (movies, TV, books) and 'news' (radio, TV, newspapers) and in our personal reality, than kindness and love. People 'react' more than they 'respond', and with violence instilled into us much more than kindness or love, more often than not the 'reaction' is violent. Add mental illness into the mix and the 'reaction' can escalate to horrific proportions.
Now, I certainly don't profess to have a solution to all the ills propagated by our propensity to violence, but putting bandaids on the symptoms, barricading the large-scale perpetrators of violence in prisons, hospitals or putting them to death, and rattling the sabre of passing new gun laws, is as useless as locking that good 'ol barn door after the cows have escaped.
Here is what I do know: if you want to stop your painful feelings of helplessness and do something that can make a difference, you begin with healing YOU. You carry your own personal wounds of violence, especially Small Violences. Some you are conscious of, but most are unconscious and most occurred when you were a kid and stay with you until you find a way to heal them, if ever.
Just going about my business in public I see some really bad parenting. And if it's that bad in public just imagine what it's like in private. Just the increase in bullying and aggression in kids as an example is a flashing warning sign. Behind all anger is pain and we all have pain. No one escapes.
Your pain can be causing you to self-sabotage in ways you would never recognize. You can have a sub-conscious, constant whisper, "I'm not loveable" going on, perhaps because you were rejected. It only has to happen once; just not being chosen for a team on the playground and left standing alone, or the punch in the gut of a parent walking out on you. This could be the basis of you never being able to have a successful relationship, never getting past an interview for a job, suffer from addictions or never making enough money. Just that one subconscious thought, "I'm not loveable", and dozens more like them. Are they true? Of course not, but your subconscious mind does not know that. Does it make sense that not being chosen for a team could cause this? No, not to your adult mind, but to the child's mind it is huge and we all carry our small child within us all our life.
Did you know that when one person heals it has as domino effect? That's another article, but it's true. How you go about healing yourself will be different for everyone, but it begins with the intention to do so. Once you make the committed decision, a way will be shown to you.
If people took it upon themselves to heal their own wounds first, it would create an ever-widening ripple effect of healing that can first affect the family, the community, the city, the country and eventually the world. Just as a journey begins with one, small step, healing the world of violence can begin with just you.
Since 2004 Lynn has been coaching women in their mid to later years who, after living the normal roles of daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother etc., have reached a place where they ask, "Who am I, really? What is my purpose and what am I here to do as a human being? I sense there is something more for me, a way to contribute, to have a more meaningful life at this stage and to leave a legacy in some way. How do I do that and what is it I'm meant to do?" She is also the creator of the "Goal Compass" and "How to Get What You Want Every Time" Inspirational Goaling programs.
For a free strategy session contact her at lynn@inspirationalgoaling.com or visit her website at http://www.inspirationalgoaling.com Free Ibook available at the website
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