Have you ever felt powerless or been the victim of a crime or injustice? We all have at some point in our lives. Were you ever taught in school that feeling powerless or being a victim is a choice we each make? I wasn't! For some of you this probably sounds crazy! Luckily my sanity is still intact, as far as I can tell. I consider that my life may have been much smoother emotionally, and my confidence greater had I known this simple fact.
For me, childhood traumas, being bullied in school, relationship break ups, and being racially profiled over the years had taken their relative toll. As a result I frequently yet quietly questioned my ability to create the life I desired, secretly considering that the universe was conspiring against me. I think back to the years I lived with such fragile self confidence that often seemed to fluctuate as rapidly as a windsock in a thunderstorm. Thankfully I can look back and appreciate knowing what it is like to feel this way. I can certainly empathize and connect with people who experience feelings of powerlessness, who see themselves as victims or believe that the universe is working again them.
In contrast to my more fragile years I now understand that in every situation in life we have a choice and must make a choice in order to live life on our terms and therefore free ourselves from the shackles of victimization and powerlessness! The critical choice we can make at all times is to either change, leave, or accept our circumstances.
Take a moment to think of one of the many times in your life when you were either enraged, offended, greatly saddened, disgusted or overwhelmed by other emotions or thoughts. Was there anything you could have changed about the situation, the thoughts or resulting feelings? If so, what? If not, could you have left the situation sooner? Since we can't change the past just yet, and leaving may not be ideal, we always have the gift of hind-sight and the power of acceptance. Thankfully, if we can remain conscious that we are never a prisoner of our circumstances or feelings, we unlock and empower the latent power of our being to live free, vibrant and truly alive!
Making a choice to change, leave, or accept your circumstance is not always easy. Choosing one of these does not mean you will be happy. It does however allow you to have peace of mind knowing that you made a choice of how you wish to respond-how you wish to be. Consider the following two simple examples.
In the first example which I'm sure we've all experienced, imagine you've left home one morning for school, work, or on a trip. Twenty minutes after leaving, you realize that you forgot something you need. For most of us agitation sets in immediately and various choice words are used... you fill in the rest. In this situation you have several choices. Do you react with swear-words? Do you vent your frustration? Do you decide to continue directly to your destination or do you turn around and return home to get what you need? If you do vent your frustration, is it brief or do you continue to vent all the way to your destination. Do you attempt to contact your boss or school to let them know you may be late or that you may be without something you'll need that day?
With each of these questions we have choices we can make that can calm our emotions, clarify our thinking and maybe even help us arrive safely to our destination. While we are in this situation we can change our approach or react by throwing a sustained fit, drive frantically, and worry about being late or not having what we need. In changing our approach, we can change our old pattern and take a deep breath, acknowledge that we can't change the fact that we left something behind, that anger won't change it, and choose to accept that we'll be empty handed or late that day.
The second example relates to intimate relationships. At any given moment in time, thousands of people are analyzing themselves in their relationships. Many of them are unhappy, feeling stuck or concerned about who they're with and what they really want. It's easy to feel like your life is over, to feel powerless, or that true joy is just not in the cards. It's no wonder there are terms like 'learned helplessness', especially if you've been hanging in there a long time living the status quo.
So, If you're honest with yourself, you may notice feeling both a relief and a bit of fright knowing that you really have a choice, you're no victim and you're not stuck. And you aught to consciousnessly and purposely make a choice that re-aligns you with your soul and unblocks the promptings of your heart. So can you honestly and joyfully accept conditions as they are, unchanged? Can you make changes in the relationship that will release the joy inside? Or will it require leaving the situation to finally allow the sun inside you to shine once again! Remember, the sun is always shining, we just have to make a decision about the clouds in the way!
For the sake of your life and joy, regardless of the circumstances, make a decision to either Change it, Accept it or Leave it! So what will it be?
Whether through initiative or pain, I know you'll choose wisely. Eventually!
Bryan Blakeny is the founder of EQ Education, one of the world's foremost experts on mental, emotional and spiritual health. Passionate about elevating consciousness and the importance of virtues, Bryan is a social psychologist and clinical social worker with a private therapy and coaching practice based in Houston, TX. His practice and seminars uplift and empower adults and teens looking for meaning, connection, and peace? For an inspiring vision of yourself and our world, for incredible solutions that make sense, Bryan Blakeny is a rare gem and ideal guide eager to inspire you for a lifetime!
Bryan Blakeny can be contacted at http://eqeducation.com or http://bryanblakenytherapy.com
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