Personality Development: Benefits Of Anger Management

By Anurag Aggarwal

Do you ever get angry in petty situations? What situations are these? Are you able to control your anger soon? The answers to all these questions would tell you a lot about the kind of personality you have. Anger management plays a leading role in personality development. Most men and women find it very difficult to deal with anger and end up having situations out of proportions. This also becomes a hurdle in their personality development and also causes various health problems. Anger is also considered as one of the biggest enemies of a human body and soul. It impairs judgment, can make a person violent and the person can even lose his/her relationships. Thus, it is very important to learn how to control anger or, may be, to learn to channelize it in such a way that it may be constructive. There are many benefits that you can gain from being able to manage your anger. One may never understand the joyful benefits of anger management classes unless they experience it and see a drastic change in their personality.

Let's look at some of the benefits of anger management and its affect in personality development.

1) Judgment

Anger makes a person a poor judge. Uncontrolled anger gradually leads to poor decision making capability. It also makes us prone to making mistakes. But once you are able to manage your anger, you will be able to exercise better judgment. Anger management exercises are often meant to channelize the anger so that you do not lose control over yourself when you lose temper.

2) Stress

In today's world where everyone's life is full of stress, it is also expected to have a pleasing personality. Stress management can give you long-term benefits. With better control over yourself, you will see that it's easier to avoid some situations that may be stressful.

3) Fewer conflicts and disputes

In anger, we often find ourselves indulged in conflicts. Conflicts or disputes occur because of difference in opinion due to different personality. Once you are aware of anger management techniques, such situations would be reduced. One should be able to treat differences in opinion just as opinions instead of taking them as personal attacks. By doing so, there will be lesser hassles at workplace with co-workers, employers and in family. You will be able to have more peaceful interactions with others.

4) Better communication

Anger is generally caused because of misunderstandings, which are in turn, caused due to communication gap between the two people involved. Good communication skills can also be helpful in avoiding anger or angry situations. Many problems are solved when people know how to be assertive. When people do not know how to assert themselves properly angry behavior is often used instead. Controlling and channelizing anger in a constructive way will make communication easier and will create your image as a person who is open-minded and easy to talk to.

5) Closer and Healthier Relationships

Another benefit of anger management is that it helps you to get closer to others and makes you more comfortable in personal relationships. The people we love are often the victims of our anger when we lose control. Channelizing anger will make us more capable of leading a life that is comparatively free of repulsive scenes or outbursts of anger.

6) Awareness about responsibility

Once you are able to control anger, will know when you are the cause of any trouble and when you are not. When the problem is because of you, you will also be able to know how to handle the situation calmly and still not be blamed. Taking the full responsibility of your task is also a personality trait that leads to personality development.

7) Empathy

Empathy means to be able to feel the same way the other person is feeling. Anger management trains you how to empathize which is very beneficial. Empathizing leads to better understanding and thus lesser conflicts. Being able to empathize means that you can see situations from others' point of view also leaving no space for conflicts.

The author of this article is a trainer at AAIPS and provides training in Public Speaking, Personality Development and Presentation Skills. In this course you will be trained in all those things which are stopping you from growing in your career. This Public Speaking Course is the best course for all those who have problems regarding their communication skills, interacting with people and in presenting themselves in front of public.

This institute offers public speaking training on under which the following areas are covered--

1. Public Speaking

2. Personality Development

3. Presentation Skills

4. Communication Skills

For more details on the course, visit http://www.anuragaggarwal.com/

Tips For Dealing With Road Rage

By Ari Novick, Ph.D.

Summertime traffic seems to be getting worse and worse. It begins in June when all the college kids come home and we instantly notice faster and more reckless driving on our city streets. Then all the families pile on the freeways, trying to make it to their vacation destinations with loud, cranky kids in the back of the vans. It's a trying time for many seasoned business drivers as they have to have a heightened sense of awareness about them, looking out for the increased number of lost, inexperienced and erratic drivers on the roads.

Seems that this otherwise relaxing season, brings with it more road rage than is normally witnessed throughout other parts of the year. Also known as intermittent explosive disorder, it is a term that refers to violent behavior due to stress caused by incidents or accidents on roadways. Road rage is often a natural outcome of aggressive driving. The aggression and frustration related to road rage does not always occur because of too much traffic but is a habit practiced when you feel like retaliating. It is a choice you make by your own free will and is a result of a bad temper. As a result of road rage drivers not only risk their own life but also that of the people around them. In fact, you might not be aware of this but road rage is a punishable offence with substantial fines in many countries. In severe cases, the culprit's driving license can be suspended if he/she is caught causing trouble on the road.

Road rage is dangerous and can lead to physical attacks and in worst scenarios - serious physical injuries, or even death. There will be drivers who are going to be rude and aggressive. But the good news is that if you control your temper and try to keep your temper in check when facing a volatile situation, you will be putting a stop to violence. Here are a few tips and tricks that may help you keep things calm and not react in a negative way while on the road:

1. Don't take it personally. Generally, the rude driver is not there to harm you on purpose. Some people just happen to be rude/bad drivers or they happen to make unintentional mistakes. It is better to give such people the benefit of doubt and move on.

2. Take deep breaths and control your anger with the help of relaxation. Breathing allows you to keep your stress levels in control and respond mindfully.

3. Don't abuse or offend while driving. This implies to following the traffic rules, driving in the correct lane and not making offensive or rude remarks/gestures. Be smart and avoid issues with other drivers on the road.

4. Refuse to get angry if someone confronts you. There will not be any fight at all if you refuse to involve yourself in the fight.

5. Give the angered driver enough room and keep a safe distance.

6. Avoid eye contact at all costs. Call the emergency number of your area if you feel threatened.

7. Stay away from crazy drivers.

8. Stay alert, stay focused, and stay calm when behind the wheel.

Online anger management classes are not only time-efficient, but also the best way to learn how to manage and control road rage. Online classes are virtually based tutorials, so it is easy to access information and review it anytime, any day. Those wanting to enroll themselves but can't invest much money in it can buy a low-cost set of tutorials/classes that differ in length. The best part here is that you can involve your spouse or a friend to learn along with you! Taking an online class for anger management is not only easy on the pocket but offers you the techniques you need to learn for a more peaceful demeanor.

Ari Novick, Ph.D. is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified anger management and Parenting provider. Several years ago, Dr. Novick started the AJ Novick Group for Anger and Stress Management to meet the demand for these services. Dr. Novick has made numerous presentations on the subjects of anger management, stress management and empathy. He has been a consultant for both Discovery Channel and Fox Television. Click here for more information on Anger Classes Online

Dr. Ari Novick also provides world class home study programs for anger management in both English and Spanish.

Get Guidance And Support For Anger Management Issues

By Ari Novick, Ph.D.

Being angry all the time is very detrimental and negative to your health for several reasons. There are a number of clinical and scientific studies on people who spend the majority of their lives angry. First and foremost, you raise your risk of stroke and heart attack. Doctors think this is because feelings of hostility activate the "fight or flight" response in which stress hormones speed up your heart rate. Your blood pressure rises at the same time, as your blood vessels constrict. People who spend most of their lives like this also increase their chances of having atherosclerosis, frequent headaches, digestive problems and insomnia.

Furthermore, it's not an attractive trait to have. Have you ever seen someone frantic or yelling at someone and thought that you just wanted to get away from him? No one wants to be around someone like that and no one wants to be thought of as the person who always has a bad attitude about one thing or another. Extremely hostile people tend to have fewer friends. This contributes to the negative side effects of anger because then the angry person has a weak or non-existent support network.

Other downsides are that angry people also tend to have high levels of anxiety and depression as well. When in a highly volatile state, they have the inability to think clearly. And, people who are angry about everything often have the feeling of being victimized or treated unfairly. This hostile and rash behavior can become dangerous to others. Sometimes, extremely angry people can't even remember the explosive incident they caused. Overcoming these unnecessary feelings will change your life for the better.

If you realize that you have a problem, you've taken a very healthy step towards curing the problem. Anger does not need to be uncontrollable. You have a choice about how you manage anger in every situation you are in, but some people need to learn what the other options are. You need to take ownership of the behavior and be ready to look inside yourself for answers. The next thing to do is seek guidance and support. Your anger will not go away on it's own.

Online anger management classes provide tools you need to learn to productively release and redirect your anger in healthier and safer ways. Taking an online class relieves the awkward feelings of entering a classroom and telling your story to a group of complete strangers. The classes are taken in the privacy of your own home, on your own schedule and at your own pace. Classes address what is causing all the anger, the pros and cons of being angry, how to deal with and relieve stress, harmful behaviors to avoid, how to speak more clearly and openly and techniques to help you calm down.

Anger management classes will give suggestions for the long-term modification of your angry behavior. This is no way to life. Investing 8 - 52 hours now, in a high-quality program will benefit you for a lifetime.

Ari Novick, Ph.D. is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified anger management provider for both adults and adolescents. Dr. Novick is also an adjunct professor of psychology at Pepperdine University's Graduate School of Education and Psychology.

Dr. Novick started the AJ Novick Group for Anger and Stress Management in 2003. He is one of the co-founders of the Century Anger Management model of intervention. Click here for more information on Anger Management Classes

Dr. Novick also provides classes exclusively for teenagers and young adults. They can be found at Adolescent Anger Management Classes Online.

Anger Management - Recognizing Anger Problems in Your Child

By Trevor Johnson

We need to understand that anger is normal and it is healthy to express it. The problem comes when it becomes violent, destructive and not expressed in an appropriate way. Recognizing anger problems in your child can be a real headache and many parents are basically clueless about emotional toll it has on their children. The emotional disconnect between a parent and a child usually worsens the problem. It is very important for you as a parent to try to find out what is contributing to your child's anger and how to address the problem.

Anger in children is usually a sign of lack of proper communication approach. It is also important to watch out for any warning signs and causes as these will enable you to arrest the problem in time, leaving no room for any damage. Some of the warning signs include squinting, growling, yelling, withdrawal, clenched teeth, rolling of the eyes and uttering words that would be bleeped out on daytime television among other signs.

Power struggles are usually a manifestation of anger. When a child expresses anger or violence it means that he or she is trying to get your attention. In such circumstances, it is wise for you as a parent to remain calm and let him or her vent, at least for a while so they get the worst of it out of their system.

Identifying the cause or the problem is usually the first step towards solving the problem. Anger control might develop as a result of feeling ignored, a feeling of rejection or feeling not appreciated amongst other anger issues.

There are several anger management tips and techniques you can use to solve the anger issues. Being a great role model is one of the techniques you can begin to use to influence your child.

Recognizing anger problems in your child begins with your self-awareness. As a parent you need to examine your behavior and attitude towards your child. It is also very important, after recognizing anger problems in your child, that you start working with them and teaching them some coping techniques.

Now that you have an idea of how to recognize anger problems in your child, the next step is investing in anger management resources and practical techniques, which you can take part in as a parent and also provide guidance and support to your child.

Learning the signs of your child's body language before they become enraged is vital. Ideally, when you see signs of anger manifesting, sit them down to make them aware of the cues and signs and eventually they will be able to master the cues leading to the eruption of anger.

When a child is enraged it is sometimes wise to leave them alone until they settles down. Never try to confront them when they are enraged as this will only escalate the problem. That said, sending them to their room until they calm down can often work well.

Pinpointing and addressing unresolved anger, bitterness and resentment is crucial when assessing and starting the journey towards healing your relationship with your child.

Teach your child anger control, frustration management and how to release bitterness. As a parent you need to be proactive on all these anger issues to tame the situation and stop it becoming worse.

Anger management books that address anger issues can be a good start and your library or Amazon are good places to look.

Obviously you need to make sure the books are relevant to your child's age level so that they can easily relate to the ideas.

Finally, if you can't recognize anger problem in your child or the anger issues are getting out of control, seek professional help as soon as possible. In some cases, a third party can help by providing suggestions and guidelines to guide your family to handle anger problems better.

Check out these tips on reducing anger and find out how you can handle anger and stress better.

Anger Management - Recognizing Anger Problems in Your Child

By Trevor Johnson

We need to understand that anger is normal and it is healthy to express it. The problem comes when it becomes violent, destructive and not expressed in an appropriate way. Recognizing anger problems in your child can be a real headache and many parents are basically clueless about emotional toll it has on their children. The emotional disconnect between a parent and a child usually worsens the problem. It is very important for you as a parent to try to find out what is contributing to your child's anger and how to address the problem.

Anger in children is usually a sign of lack of proper communication approach. It is also important to watch out for any warning signs and causes as these will enable you to arrest the problem in time, leaving no room for any damage. Some of the warning signs include squinting, growling, yelling, withdrawal, clenched teeth, rolling of the eyes and uttering words that would be bleeped out on daytime television among other signs.

Power struggles are usually a manifestation of anger. When a child expresses anger or violence it means that he or she is trying to get your attention. In such circumstances, it is wise for you as a parent to remain calm and let him or her vent, at least for a while so they get the worst of it out of their system.

Identifying the cause or the problem is usually the first step towards solving the problem. Anger control might develop as a result of feeling ignored, a feeling of rejection or feeling not appreciated amongst other anger issues.

There are several anger management tips and techniques you can use to solve the anger issues. Being a great role model is one of the techniques you can begin to use to influence your child.

Recognizing anger problems in your child begins with your self-awareness. As a parent you need to examine your behavior and attitude towards your child. It is also very important, after recognizing anger problems in your child, that you start working with them and teaching them some coping techniques.

Now that you have an idea of how to recognize anger problems in your child, the next step is investing in anger management resources and practical techniques, which you can take part in as a parent and also provide guidance and support to your child.

Learning the signs of your child's body language before they become enraged is vital. Ideally, when you see signs of anger manifesting, sit them down to make them aware of the cues and signs and eventually they will be able to master the cues leading to the eruption of anger.

When a child is enraged it is sometimes wise to leave them alone until they settles down. Never try to confront them when they are enraged as this will only escalate the problem. That said, sending them to their room until they calm down can often work well.

Pinpointing and addressing unresolved anger, bitterness and resentment is crucial when assessing and starting the journey towards healing your relationship with your child.

Teach your child anger control, frustration management and how to release bitterness. As a parent you need to be proactive on all these anger issues to tame the situation and stop it becoming worse.

Anger management books that address anger issues can be a good start and your library or Amazon are good places to look.

Obviously you need to make sure the books are relevant to your child's age level so that they can easily relate to the ideas.

Finally, if you can't recognize anger problem in your child or the anger issues are getting out of control, seek professional help as soon as possible. In some cases, a third party can help by providing suggestions and guidelines to guide your family to handle anger problems better.

Check out these tips on reducing anger and find out how you can handle anger and stress better.

The Dangers Of Setting Expectations Too High

By Ari Novick, Ph.D.

For perfectionists, type A personalities and people with an independent or demanding streak, high expectations can easily lead to being labeled taskmasters. For these individuals with intensely driven personalities, anger can easily erupt when expectations are not met. This behavior might be acceptable for a short while and might even get people around you to behave in the way you are looking for, but if it continues, it will lead to health and social issues at home and in the workplace. Learning to adjust expectations to help manage anger is a useful tool to learn for those with these personality traits.

To be truthful, anger is a normal and healthy reaction to frustration. It is acceptable to become angry when someone has let us down, we have witnessed an injustice or a goal is somehow blocked. However, uncontrollable anger leads to disruption at work, stress with family members at home and high blood pressure.

In certain personality types, this uncontrollable anger can be attributed to unrealistic expectations. We expect that things will be a certain way and when they don't meet these requirements, anger and stress take over. Learning how to be more easy-going and to adjust those expectations is a desirable goal. As we all know, things don't always turn out as planned. There are a great number of things in life that we can't control. Blowing up every time we encounter a difficult person or situation, will lead you to an unhappy life. Instead, learning to come to terms with the behavior or unsolvable problem will help with overall anger management.

An example of this is road rage. One can either get in the car everyday for the drive home during rush hour and go crazy with anger about the slow traffic and stress out for the entire ride home, or, accept it will take an hour and put in some calming music to make the trip more pleasant. The expectation that the traffic congestion will somehow go away is unrealistic, so learning to live with it and find ways to enjoy the ride home is a successful solution.

Instead of getting angry that needs or desires are not being met because of someone else's behavior, learn to deal with the situation in a calm manner. Use assertive communication to express your feelings to your co-worker, spouse, friend or child. Tell them in a non-aggressive, respectful way what exactly you were expecting. You may find that they simply didn't realize that was what you were looking for. Or, find an alternative and workable solution to the problem that doesn't include placing blame on someone else.

To further explore the skills of expectation adjustment, take an anger management class online. These classes are easy to take from any Internet based computer in the relaxed atmosphere of your own home. Classes are available to take 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, so they do not need to interfere with work responsibilities. The client will benefit from learning very specific skills to better manage their hostility and anger and improve their quality of life.

Ari Novick, Ph.D. is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified anger management provider for both adults and adolescents. Dr. Novick is also an adjunct professor of psychology at Pepperdine University's Graduate School of Education and Psychology.

Several years ago, Dr. Novick started the AJ Novick Group for Anger and Stress Management to meet the demand for these services. Dr. Novick has made numerous presentations on the subjects of anger management, stress management and empathy. Learn more at Anger Management Classes.

He is also the co-founder of Century Anger Management, which is one of the leading national training organizations in the field of Anger Management and provides online classes specifically for Anger Management.

Become Childlike Once Again - Turn Anger Into Fascination

By A Horton

I am sure that you are like everyone else and you want to experience real positive and meaningful changes in the results you are currently enjoying in your life. The best way to this is to make a small shift to the way you view things. It is time for you to change your casual interest in everything, which goes on around you, into fascination. When you are fascinated, you are curious and want to know how things work. This curiosity will reawaken that child in you once again, as you become fascinated by everything going on around you.

Develop a Child-like Fascination
When you train yourself to develop a childlike fascination once again, you develop a skill, which allows you to turn situations that would have caused you frustration before; into something which will fascinate you and become a positive learning experience. For example: If you are stuck in a traffic jam and the traffic is at a standstill. You can choose to become frustrated and irritated. This will raise your blood pressure; put your body under huge stress, resulting in you angrily punching the steering wheel. None of which will make any difference to the situation at all. Or you can choose a better option, where you become childlike once again, eagerly looking around, exploring and trying to find something wonderful you can learn.

Anger or Fascination are Both Choices
In both situations you get through the traffic jam at the same time. One way causes you massive stress, damages your health and breaks you down, whilst the other offers you an opportunity to reflect, expand and even relax. Which do you think is the most effective and logical option to choose? Your attitude and temperament are always choices.

Action Idea: When faced with situations in the future, which traditionally cause you to respond in an angry fashion, take a deep breath and allow yourself to explore everything around you. Try to discover all the reasons there are to be fascinated, reasons to learn and grow, reasons to relax, reasons to expand your world. This simple shift will allow you to quickly turn frustration into fascination.

Dare to Become a Child once Again
Both fascination and anger are childish emotions. Anger is a trained response and a reflection of your immature-self showing its ugly head.,Anger is a really childish emotion, which you learned to exhibit in your youth, when you could not get your own way. Unless you are in a dangerous situation where your life may be threatened and the fight response is appropriate, anger does not serve you in any positive way. Fascination on the other hand is also a childlike response, but unfortunately one that we train ourselves to forget as we grow up. Dare to re-awaken your fascination and use this really powerful tool to constantly be on the lookout for opportunities to expand, learn and grow.

Make the Shift
This subtle change in your responses and attitude will result in a major positive shift in the outcomes you enjoy, from now on. Make the shift from anger to curiosity and you will astound yourself, with how much better you feel, how your stress levels reduce, how much more productive you will become and how much more you will begin to notice, around you. This increased awareness allows you to see opportunities, where you only saw frustration before.

Learn to no longer choose anger as your first response to any situation. Rather practice the childish art of fascination. This positive shift will be well worth the effort. You stand to "loose" so much when you change anger into fascination. You will "loose" frustration, anger, negative feelings, and stress in your life. On the other hand, you will gain so much, curiosity, new insights, new skills, new knowledge, happiness and a life of learning and growth. Sounds like a great trade to me.

Hi my name is Andrew Horton; I am an inspirational Speaker, Master Teacher, Radio and TV Host, Global Traveler and Author. My area of focus is in the field of human behavior, expanded awareness and enlightenment. I travel the planet constantly researching, learning and seeking ways to unlock the mysteries of the human mind. I delve into the inner workings of the universe, always looking for ways to understand my role in making things better and contributing to the improvement of the human experience. Please visit my website to sign up for a daily inspirational message, by following this link Daily Inspirational Message. This is your daily call to action, a reminder to do things better each day. Visit my website at http://www.andrewhorton.co.za

How To Manage Anger In The Office Place

By Maria Lovella Parcon Naces

The Office, a place where we spend most of our times struggling to make ends meet. Yet unlike other places in the world, this could get stressful and could ignite a level frustration that goes beyond what we can handle. Unless you're the Steve Jobs of the company or someone important and "unfirable" like the child of the owner, there's no chance that your "hulk moment" could benefit your career. You need to learn how to control your temper, at all costs. Below are some tips to help you on how to manage anger in the office place.

Silence is Golden

Ever heard of this saying? Well this is perfect for every moment you wish to flip your office table out of frustration. Whenever somebody is screaming at you, even if they are wrong, it is best NEVER to respond. At the pinnacle of your temper outburst, you cannot filter your actions or words. When your judgment is clouded by emotion anything you may be capable of doing or saying will definitely lead to your humiliation and downfall. So be still, be silent and carefully place out your defense ONLY when you have calmed down.

Find an Outlet

Being quiet can help you but not so much in the long run if you do not find an outlet to express your anger. This is an important factor in your anger management. As part of the great kingdom Animalia, we have this natural instinct to get angry and fight back when we need to protect ourselves. This is what evolution taught us. However if this anger remains unexpressed, it could pile up inside and could be carelessly unleashed one day to your disadvantage. Thus, you must find an outlet to redirect your anger such as sports, martial arts classes or any physical activity that encourages you to hit objects. This is actually very therapeutic for any bottled emotion.

Embrace the Positive

How you control your temper depends on the things that you allow in your daily routine. So, you have to throw away all things which can be categorized as negative. Replace your playlist with songs that encourages your light mood. This psychologically reduces stress. Avoid office gossipers and surround yourself with people who will strengthen your potentiality. Think positive and be positive and know that behind every angry officemate is a person who is also struggling to make ends meet.

Maria Lovella Parcon Naces is an author of The Idea Marketplace Blog: http://www.arielparconjr.com

Anger Management's Early Warning System

By Steve Wickham

Connecting with our anger in productive ways occurs when we enquire of our annoyances whilst we still easily bear them.

At a highly piqued awareness - perhaps we could call it pre-frustration - we have not waited until the pot is about to boil over. We watch that pot, which is our propensity to flare into a rage, closely, and we monitor it in order to learn from it.

We watch it so that we can learn, for wisdom comes from being a student of one's self, and not just as a student of life and of other people. God wants us interrogating our own psyches.

Anger can teach us much, but frustration and annoyances even more.

It's better to pay careful attention to the activators of our anger which manifest through feelings of our frustration and annoyance.

EXPLORING OUR PERSONAL AND INTERPERSONAL FRUSTRATION

We might wonder if we've ever taken the time to write a list of the things that annoy us. When we have such knowledge we can ask ourselves, why?

Forearmed is forewarned, they say, and knowing the things that drive us to distraction - and, more importantly why - helps us manage our frustration and it gives us better control over our anger.

The question of why can be intriguing or even frustrating of its own accord if we don't know why. But we will never know unless we ask the question and explore it within our minds and even within conversations with other people - "why does this/that frustrate me?" "Does it frustrate others, similarly?" "Is it a problem to be frustrated by this?" "What are the consequences of this frustration?" "Is there potential that I could blow my top?"

These are all important questions, but the most important question is always why.

ACCEPTING THAT WE WILL HAVE FRUSTRATIONS

Once we have a good understanding of what frustrations we have, and why it is we have these frustrations, we can set about doing what work we can to manage them.

Part of this workload is coming to a healthy acceptance that we will have frustrations.

Further than this, as thinking and feeling persons, with personalities quite unique, we will have views based on the values and beliefs we hold dear. Frustrations emanate out of these, but we should be conscious of them.

***

The frustrations that occur that we are not conscious of, regarding the why, are the ones we want to understand - these might speak to our character flaws; those things we don't like about ourselves; those things that other people incite from within us in manifest anger for the things we can't seem to change about ourselves.

***

Being aware of what frustrates us and why is a good thing. Frustrations, when we learn about them, and why we have them, can help us by converting our anger energies into healthier responses. Frustrations and annoyances can be useful early warnings to prevent full-blown rage.

� 2012 S. J. Wickham.

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). Steve writes at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com.au/ and http://tribework.blogspot.com.au/

Blaming - You, Blaming Me

By Johnny Atman

Have you ever wondered about why we constantly blame, fault find and appear to be constantly dissatisfied?

Have you ever asked yourself: do I need to be frustrated, angry, anxious, unstable?

Here lies the secret, that most of us do not see, because our perception is divided.

What are we talking about?

You see, we all talk about the Mind without really knowing what we are talking about.

What is Mind? Well, ask your psychologist about it and see what kind of answer you get! You will be amazed! They think that mind is thought!

As if nothing else exists without thought!

Their father is Descartes who is famous for "Cogito Ergo Sum" translated as "I think therefor I am" as if when you don't think somehow you stop existing.

The Mind is nothing other than Consciousness, Universal, Eternal and Measureless, Timeless, Omnipresent.

The Mind is endowed with Perception; Perception is a Field, not unlike the Quantum Field.

Within the Perceptual Field we have the Content of Perception which is lit by Awareness, the Light of Consciousness.

An experience is therefore an act of awareness of the movement within the content of perception.

We are then endowed (for better or for worse) with knowledge, which conceptualises the experience according to precedents.

To know is to measure, and compare. If you want to know how much you weigh, you weigh yourself. And by comparing yourself to others, you are fat or skinny. It is clear.

But suppose you don't compare yourself, what happens then? You remain unique and within your own nature. You are as you are and remain in your true nature. But we don't seem to be satisfied with being; we want to know what Being is. But how do you know the Unknowable, measure the Measureless? And here follows the trap.

We conceptualise experience and name it, compare it and wee seem to grasp something, to our foolish delight!

Which means the experience is defined and interpreted, being given a meaning according to the past, to what we know. So we add more to the past, more to the backpack.

On that basis, we like or dislike the experience. But the experience si not going to change for us, it does not care whether we like it or not. Get it? Tough!

This creates our Schema, or our GPS that guides us through the world of experience.

But the GPS is not the real experience, just like the map is not the territory. It is memory superimposed onto the present experience.

Yet as we try to superimpose the map on the territory, when the territory does not fit into our map, we get crossed. We become angry, dissatisfied, pissed off and the like. We have an idea about what the World should be like and when it is not like that, we spit the dummy!

And because we do not realise that the conflict we experience is the result of the discrepancy between our old GPS mapping, because the GPS mapping is always old and lagging behind the present experience, we then tend to blame. We refuse to see that our GPS is faulty, narrow and prejudiced or biased.

Blaming means the unwillingness to see that it our faulty GPS lenses that create conflict. That we are responsible for our experience, because we define it, we attract it and we experience it. Nobody else.

The division exists when the map looks at the experience from a divide point of view: and that is by comparison. We compare the new with the old and we therefor resist change. We are afraid of change. We call it The Unknown.

But there is no such thing as the Unknown. Another clever and insidious trap by the GPS (Egoic Mind) because all there is is the End of the Known. Which means the Known cannot at anytime represent the Present Moment because itself is the product fo the past, and it resists the present unfoldment as it has no control over it. So within Perception, we have two Forces at work: the Forces for Sameness i.e the GPS, and the Forces for Change, of Creativity and Unfoldment.

So anxiety, insecurity, sleeplessness are some of the results of the discrepancy between these two forces.

What does this mean?

Well, the GPS is stored in Memory. Therefor the Conscious part of the mind that operates when awake, unlike in dreams, is solely relying on old information to make sense of the new. And it can't because it is limited to what it has previously experienced.

When the Conscious Mind is aligned with Memory, all we have is conflict. That is not to say that memory is useless.

But in the Field of Perception it is: because it alters Perception from Pure, Unfolding, to Remembered.

So what then? There is another part of the mind called the Subconscious; it is the closest to the Source of All Things, and that is where Manifestation begins to occur.

That is what the Occult studies are about. But for that wee need to trust the process, as the Gestalt practitioners would put it.

We need to have Faith, as religion would have it. Faith in the Source, that the Source is good.

But guess what? We can be Co-Creators, and we are, believe it or not. But more on this in another article.

So what of Blame and Irresponsibility?

When the perception is not divided, objectified and resisted, which is an act of desire, perception is integrative. You get to keep your cool.

The person knows that this is their reality, their perception alone and there is no need to modify it, but to live it and marvel at it.

Once the perception occurs in a PURE, undivided way, only then we know what is the right thing to do.

But for that to occur, we must put aside the GPS and stop it from meddling in the act of Perception, and allow the mind to feel lost.

The feeling of lost is the transition between the Conscious min being aligned with Memory (Egoic Mind) and re-aligned with the Subconscious beginnings of manifestation.

Some of the Zen meditators and other mystics talk about "feeling lost" and "being found" again, and one of them is the late Father Bede Griffiths who so eloquently talks about it in this short video.

There are books on this transition such as "The Cloud of Unknowing" and "The Dark Night of The Soul" among others.

It is only when every human in this world acknowledges and owns their experience and stops blaming and fault finding that the Eyes of the World will open and we will live in True Love and Harmony.

You too can start this by investigating the mental phenomena by meditation, introspection, observation.

And you can do this know or as soon as you finish reading this lines or at a time of your choice soon after you stop thinking about it.

Have you ever wondered about why we constantly blame, fault find and appear to be constantly dissatisfied?

Have you ever asked yourself: do I need to be frustrated, angry, anxious, unstable?

Here lies the secret, that most of us do not see, because our perception is divided.

What are we talking about?

You see, we all talk about the Mind without really knowing what we are talking about.

How to Break the Cycle of Bad Attitudes

By Nancy J Nandudu

The most common urban legend about renewed behavior is that we need to 'get' it; from where, no one knows. Many people think that they can pick up attitudes that they like without a thought, and just as easily toss out those that they do not like. Unfortunately, no one can automatically became a kind or strong person; it takes a deliberate effort, and over time I have learned that even the most far-gone people can develop positive attitudes by recycling these three simple principles;

The fitness tonic. Not many people are too keen on the inevitable aches and sweat brought about by regular exercise. However, although it means pain and serious discomfort, regular exercise is by far the best way to lift the mood because according to recent research, it stimulates the brain. So make sure you are part of a healthy exercise regimen and your body will literally 'steam off' in your favor, allowing you to enjoy a genuinely lighter mood when in company of people.

Keep a journal. The little journal of secrets is not just for teenage girls. Everyone needs a journal, if not to indulge your writing hobby, to check your life. If you regularly note down stressful situations in your life and occasionally go over the ways you handled them, you shall be able to find a pattern of poor management. It will most probably include destructive habits like; avoidance, alcohol, smoking, over sleeping, over eating and getting lost in TV or computer among others. Armed with this awareness, you can find ways to combat this behavior.

Deal with emotional baggage. It has been said that no one escapes childhood unscathed and while some people's scars have urged them to make the most of life, others have grown into massive chips on their shoulders. Such people often end up entangling other people in their webs of confusion, negativity and deceit because they feel helpless against their 'nature.' Regularly talking with a professional about your past will help to relieve you of pent-up stress and enable you to relate freely with people.

In all, there are many healthy ways to manage and cope with emotional distress but for them to yield good results, you need to change your behavior. The key is to always accept responsibility for the role you play in creating or maintaining your emotional stress, otherwise your stress level will always stay outside your control.

Anger Should Not Control You

By Susan J Meyerott

What Gets Your Goat?

Granted, there's plenty to be angry about today. But what is it for you?

• What drives you to the breaking point--leaving you feeling crazy, angry and frustrated?
• What tips you over the top leaving you feeling mad at the whole world without knowing why?
• What turns you from being a fully functioning adult into a seemingly helpless and frustrated child inside?

E-motion--Don't Leave Home without it

I hate to feel stuck or controlled--it makes me angry and frustrated. I am driven by the desire to move freely in my daily life, so seeking a way to quickly break free from encumbrances became important to me at a young age. Years ago I embraced a definition of emotion that allowed me to view all emotion in a positive light and to use it in a more fluid, productive manner.

Instead of viewing emotion as good or bad, happy or sad--I came to understand E-motion as energy in motion. Our e-motions give us the energy to act, the drive to 'right wrongs', and the desire to pursue our dreams.

Personal Values Define Our Internal 'Lines in the Sand'

The goal of anger management isn't to become a placid, 'Stefford Wife' devoid of emotion--especially anger. It's to learn how to use the energy created by e-motion to create positive outcomes.

Chances are the situations or people making you exceptionally angry violate one or more of your personal values. Our personal values define our invisible boundaries--our lines in the sand. When someone crosses one of those lines we feel violated, resulting in a wall of anger and frustration. And anger left unattended can quickly turn inward and lead to depression.

I get angry or frustrated at least once a day. But I've learned to use that anger--or energy-in-motion to help me identify what personal values have been violated. Being able to name the invisible boundaries crossed puts me back in control and provides the momentum for taking positive action.

By using my anger to help me identify what I value, I now have choices for taking action based on what I value rather than on what makes me angry.

Use Your Anger to Identify what You Value

Don't just sit in your anger, use the energy to identify what your personal values are and take positive action based on them.

Situational depression occurs when you feel hopeless or helpless in response to a situation that knocks the wind out of you. To avoid getting depressed in response to tough situations, get in the habit of always following up by taking action that has the potential of producing positive outcomes.

What to Do

Think of a situation or person that upset you in the last week.

• What happened?
• List what made you angry or frustrated in the situation.
• List things you value that may have been violated in the situation.
• Chose a positive response based on your personal values.
• Take positive action--even if you don't feel like it.

Here are some of the things I've learned about myself by going through this process of converting anger into better understanding my personal values and choosing to take action based on those values.

What makes me Angry?

• Injustice
• Bullies
• Narcissists
• Untested Assumptions
• Overly Critical Judgments
• Controlling People
• Uncaring People
• Self-righteous People
• Lack of Opportunity for People
• Being Held Back

What Do I Value?

• Opportunity to Achieve
• Creativity
• 'Flow' Experiences
• Humane Treatment of People
• Humane Treatment of Animals
• Productive Work
• Harmony
• Freedom
• Caring
• Teamwork
• Enthusiasm
• Joyful Experiences
• Fun
• Achieving Personal Dreams
• Helping Others Achieve their Dreams
• Openness
• Truth
• Trust and Connection

How I want to act based on Anger

• Lash out at offender.
• Give them a dose of their own medicine.
• Cut offender off.
• Talk poorly about offender.
• Turn others against offender.
• Wish bad things on the offender.

How I choose to act based on my Values (Creating a Positive Outcome)

• Do nothing to let my anger cool.
• Look for ways to open up communication and develop trust.
• Talk to, not about the person, to clarify facts and understanding.
• Seek to create opportunities to work with others joyfully and enthusiastically.
• Seek more positive environments.
• Reach out to others to build trust and connection.

Don't let yourself be led by your anger. Choosing your actions based on your values puts you in the driver seat. Put your e-motions to work for you--giving you the energy to act, the drive to 'right wrongs', and the desire to pursue your dreams. You're worth it.

International speaker and award-winning author, Susan J Meyerott provides dynamic interactive workshops for people ready to better manage their work, life and health. For more than 30 years, Susan has been helping people lighten up and step over invisible barriers to change one step at a time. Contact Susan to schedule life coaching, workshops for the workplace or weekend retreats.
http://lightartedliving.blogspot.com/2012/09/time-management-to-create-positive.html
http://www.linkedin.com/in/susanjmeyerott

Healing Anger Sickness - Dealing With Anxiety Through Forgiveness

By Steve Wickham

When pressure builds up there is the eventual release. The release of such energy, however - the direction and power of the release - is all important. Some releases are incredibly healthy, whilst other releases are dramatically painful and even catastrophically destructive.

Anger can go both ways.

This is something that affects us all, because everyone gets angry; everyone has bouts of frustration and interminable floods of emotion mounting, occasionally, to rage.

But then, it can be incredibly power provoking in a good way. It provides the needed energy that motivates many a good cause and many an inspirational story.

It is up to us to contend, then, for which way will we do?

Do we proactively attend to the causes of our frustration, or do we let it fester? Being proactive is about courage and diligence. Letting it fester, these issues that ought to be tackled, involves the cowardice of avoidance and the folly of sluggishness.
Anxiety is a deeper cause.

IDENTIFYING AREAS OF ANGER SICKNESS

Signs of anxiety, whether conscious or unconscious, whether by overt nerves or felt psychosomatically (unexplained bodily aches and pains), are key clues for anger sickness.

This sickness has a pathology about it that is dangerous to our health. We may connect with the sickness, areas and situations of conflict in our lives, both personal and interpersonal. Where there is significant stress, anxiety is inescapable. And anxiety is a knife edge, over either side of which anger lurks.

If we don't attend to the issues, identifying and rectifying the things we already know are problematic, the issues will loom larger. This anger sickness will threaten to manifest itself in increasingly uncontrollable ways.

RESOLVING ANGER SICKNESS

It is the healthy option to identify and resolve the causes of anger sickness. Only when we do this will we derive God's power through the expression of our honesty, courage, and humility to face our problems and deal with them.

If we have any sense of self-interest, from the wisdom viewpoint, we will manage our health proactively. Seventy-five percent of health is not physical. The biggest portion of health is mental, emotional, and spiritual.

Resolving anger sickness, which is being real about our frustrations to the point of doing whatever we need to, to resolve them, is a key determinant to mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

When we have resolved our extraneous anger we have learned to practice forgiveness; to forgive others as well as to receive the grace of God's forgiveness. Guilt and shame are amended.

Forgiveness alleviates anger and it reduces anxiety. What has been bound up for too long already is let go of.

***

Anger can make us sick. But equally, it can provide us great energy if we deal with our frustrations. When we convert our anger into forgiveness we have healed our anger at its source. Healthy responses are always possible when it comes to anger. Healthy responses help people and do not harm them in any way.

� 2012 S. J. Wickham.

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). Steve writes at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com.au/ and http://tribework.blogspot.com.au/

What Is Anger? It Is Completely Misunderstood! Here Is A Fascinating Look At What Anger Really Is

By Jeanette Kasper

First, I want you to take a few seconds and make a list of all the difficult people in your life. If they are close by, or might see this list, just use initials (in fact, you can make up initials - they'll never know!)

Is your spouse/partner being difficult right now? How about one or more of your children? Is your boss difficult? Coworkers? Staff? Do you have the mother-in-law from hell? How about the father-in-law from hell? Mother from hell? Father from hell? What about your brothers and sisters - any of them being difficult? Any difficult neighbors? How about difficult cousins, nephews, nieces, other extended family? Do you have specific friend(s) that are difficult? Difficult customers? Difficult clients?

(How long is your list??)

What are some of the difficult behaviors they engage in?

Anger. Raging. Do you have any whiners and complainers? How about blameless Bettys and blameless Bobs (it wasn't MY fault!) Aggressive behaviour. Yelling. Shouting. Bullying behaviour. One-up-manship - they always did it bigger, better, worse, smarter. People who won't make decisions. People who won't do their jobs. People who are always late. Do you have any "poor me" people in your life? Victims? Everything, everybody is always against them? And the list goes on and on and on and on and on...

I grew up in a small farming town in Saskatchewan, attended the University of Alberta, moved to Calgary, had a son, started working with Canada Customs, got married. You know the funny thing was, when I was going to University I was this fun-loving, carefree young woman, and then I had kids and got married... and someone else came to live in my body and she wasn't a very nice person! A lot of people have this same experience - once they reached adulthood, or got married, or settled into a career, their anger started spiralling out of control. And we all came by it naturally, I certainly did, I learned how to be 'out of control angry' from my mom. And I really didn't like my angry self very much at all.

I looked for the answer for years... 20 years... and finally, while doing some research for a new course I would be presenting, I came upon the answer that changed my whole life.

Dr. Joseph LeDoux, in his book, The Emotional Brain, talks about this little part of the brain called the amygdala. I call it the Safety Brain (because I don't do scientific words).

Our safety brains are the oldest parts of our brain - they are 10,000 years old and are there to keep us safe, to keep us alive. Out in the animal kingdom, when we saw a sabre toothed tiger, our safety brains kicked in and got us to safety.

That's the part of our brain that I'm talking about - the 'human animal' if you will - the animalistic part of our brain.

There are three things you have to remember about our safety brains:

1. Our Safety Brains are 100% illogical and irrational
2. Our Safety Brains always have 100% complete control
3. To our Safety Brains, every situation is life or death

1. Our safety brains are 100% illogical and irrational

Our Safety Brains are the animal part of us, there to keep us alive when we see a sabre-toothed tiger. And our Safety Brains are always looking for the sabre-toothed tiger. Everywhere you go, especially every new place or new situation you go into, your Safety Brain is looking for the sabre-toothed tiger.

Watch yourself the next time you go into a new store, a new place for a meeting, a new house. You will cross the threshold into the store, the meeting, the house and then you will stop - maybe for just a nanosecond, maybe for a few seconds, and you will scan the room looking for the sabre-toothed tiger.

Watch yourself. Watch others. You will see this very clearly.

2. Our Safety Brains always have 100% complete control

Physically, within the brain, every pathway goes to your Safety Brain first. Everything you see, touch, taste, smell, hear, feel; EVERYTHING goes directly to your Safety Brain first, and all it's is doing every second of every day is deciding "Is what's going on right now safe or not." That's it. A very quick, easy decision for it to make.

If your Safety Brain decides that "Yes, it's safe" then it sends the information over a bridge to your Thinking Brain (or your neo cortex). Your Thinking Brain is the human part of your brain. Your Thinking Brain is responsible for things like:

being happy setting goals learning playfulness laughter

thinking logically being rational thinking things through calm

being productive getting things done analyzing organizing solutions

being responsible thinking of others empathy sympathy

3. To Our Safety Brains, every situation is life or death

This one just doesn't make sense any more. Yes, back in the animal kingdom we had to be totally ready to defend ourselves, be that run and hide or fight. But in today's society, if you are not in a war-torn country, we don't face life and death situations much any more. YES, there are exceptions. But please, just look at YOURSELF and your life. Have you ever had to fight for your life? And I mean physically fight for your life?

About 3% of us have had to fight for our lives, and that's NOT every second of every day. Once, maybe. Mostly, we go through life really safe and happy.

Sure, you can allow your mind to go yeah but what about... but that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about regular, every day seconds and minutes in your life at work and at home. We are safe. We are not facing life and death situations. Yet your Safety Brain is CONVINCED that every situation is life or death.

So, since we very, very rarely face physically life-threatening situations, it's like our Safety Brains have adjusted and have decided that there are PSYCHOLOGICAL and EMOTIONAL situations that are life and death; and based on what we are THINKING or FEELING our safety brains will take over.

Here's what happens.

Everything goes to your Safety Brain first. If it decides that something is NOT SAFE it instantly, in less than a nanosecond, floods the body with adrenaline. The adrenaline triggers all kinds of neurological reactions but the BIGGEST BIGGEST BIGGEST reaction you have to be aware of is the one that slams a gateway down right in the middle of the bridge, shutting off access to your Thinking Brain. Your Safety Brain takes over, COMPLETELY, cutting all rational, logical, calm thinking OUT. It takes over and based on illogical, irrational thinking, it decides how to get us safe.

What is the ONLY EMOTION that would trigger the Safety Brain to take over?

FEAR

100% OF THE TIME, NO EXCEPTIONS, WHEN PEOPLE ARE BEING DIFFICULT THEY ARE SCARED

Something in the situation triggered their safety brains to say, It's not safe! Slam goes that gateway in their brain, shutting off access to their Thinking Brains. Their Safety Brains take over and decide, based on illogical, irrational thinking, how to get safe.

What Is Anger? Anger is NOT an Emotion. Anger is an attack. Always, 100% of the time, when you get angry, you were scared of something, your safety brain took over and decided that the only way to get safe is to ATTACK.

What Is Anger? Anger is our defensive reaction of attacking someone.

And YES YOU CAN Defuse (or Delete) difficult people in your life. Neutralize your anger. DON'T smack them upside the head! No more bodies buried under the copier!

Jeanette Kasper -- Your Anger UnTangler

Go to http://angerisnotanemotion.com to pick up thousands of tips and strategies you can live in your calm, always!

Are You Violent? A Definition of Violence and Peace

By Christina Sponias

After continuing Carl Jung's research I discovered that we are violent primates. Konrad Lorenz's research and his discoveries confirmed my findings. Many other scientific discoveries confirmed the same truth.

Even though we believe that we are civilized, we are far from balance. We believe that some people are violent, and some people are calm. However, the truth is that human beings are extremely violent and dangerous primates. Our wars and crimes prove this truth more than anything else.

If some people seem to be calm, this is because they are satisfied for a while. Whenever someone is dissatisfied for some reason, he/she becomes angry. Anger generates violence.

Do you become angry when someone does something against you?

If you do, this means that you are violent. If you were a peaceful creature, you would simply become very sad. You wouldn't become angry and desire revenge.

If you belong to the human race, you are unavoidably violent because you have inherited many evil and absurd tendencies into the wild side of your conscience. You must transform this dangerous content into peaceful content through dream therapy. The unconscious mind that produces your dreams will help you find peace.

In order to eliminate your violent reactions, you must be able to evaluate the importance of peace. If you believe that the behavioral patterns of violence are useful and you become violent when you are upset, you cannot find peace.

You have to understand the real meaning of violence. Violence is an abrupt attack against others with the intention to hurt them. It is a physical force or a psychological imposition characterized by cruelty and hatred.

When you think about the definition of violence you understand that it is a negative reaction. However, you forget its meaning when you become angry for some reason. You believe that you are right for becoming angry because you were disrespected, insulted, or robbed. You believe that you cannot but feel revolted with this unfair situation. Anyone in your place would react the same way.

You condemn violence in others, but when you are violent, you believe that you are 'right' because you were a victim of someone else's wickedness. This means that your behavior depends on other people's behavior. You cannot show compassion when those who are around you are cruel. You become cruel too.

You believe that your cruelty is a self-defensive attitude. However, if you become angry whenever you have to defend yourself, your anger can make you lose your mind. You are able to kill your enemies only because they did something insignificant against you.

You must be afraid of violence, instead of believing that violence is a useful tool that can protect you from the cruel world. Violence is craziness. Violence generates terror.

You know that violence is something bad, but you are used with the absurd mindset of the modern civilization. You theoretically condemn violence. On the other hand, you are induced to believe that the violent heroes who kill the gangsters in various movies are admirable heroes you should imitate. You applaud those who use violence against violence.

You are induced to admire the violent world leaders. You are induced to believe that you need military protection in order to preserve peace in your country.

What kind of peace is this? A peace that depends on violence?
Peace is the opposite of violence. Peace is understanding and forgiveness. Peace is serenity and tranquility.

How can you find peace in a cruel world?

You believe that you have to defend yourself from others all the time. You believe that you are an idiot if you remain calm when you are offended.

You must learn how to keep your peace of mind even when others disrespect your rights. When you are wise you are always calm because you understand that human beings are imperfect creatures. You forgive their imperfections for understanding their inferiority.

Your wisdom reminds you that the real peace is based on goodness. You are always humble, sensitive, friendly, calm, sincere, and generous. Your attitude helps you preserve peace without using violence.

Peace based on impositions is an invisible war. You must learn the difference between violence and peace by analyzing the wise unconscious messages in dreams.

You'll understand that the behavioral patterns of violence are primitive and idiotic. You'll also learn the meaning of love.

The unconscious mind helps you love humanity. You feel sorry for everyone. You desire to see everyone finding peace and happiness. Your philosophy of life is based on generosity and sanctity.

You understand that everyone must attain spiritual perfection and learn how to be wise in order to find peace and happiness. The behavioral patterns based on violence, and the selfish ideals imposed by our materialistic civilization cannot help humanity find peace.

Christina Sponias continued Carl Jung's research into the human psyche, discovering the cure for all mental illnesses, and simplifying the scientific method of dream interpretation that teaches you how to exactly translate the meaning of your dreams, so that you can find health, wisdom and happiness.
Learn more at: http://www.scientificdreaminterpretation.com

Click Here to download a Free Sample of the eBook Dream Interpretation as a Science (86 pages!).

6 Ways to Diffuse Your Anger At Home

By ChiKoong Chong

Everyone has some kind of a temper and getting angry is a natural part of it. The good news is that you can learn to control and manage your anger, so it's less likely for you to throw a tantrum or outburst in whatever situation you're been confronted at home.

If your angers are for just a short while, you'll have better control and feel less stressed out. And as your stress level drops, the intensity of your anger will dwindle too.

Of course, being happy, rather than angry, does more good to you as well as the people closer to you. If you find that you're feeling rather irritate, there are things you can do to keep you from getting frustrated and saying or doing something that you don't mean and regret it later. Nevertheless, it's all right to be angry under appropriate circumstances but not if it's uncalled for.

Dealing with your temper calmly

Staying calm may be easier said than done at first, but the effort will be well worth it. In fact, anger is a natural response to an irritating situation. Your family members may expect you to get angry too, and they may at times, created situations in ways that inevitably spark off your angry outbursts.

It may not be easy to change the way you do things in a short period. You may just give up altogether, but be perseverance in re-tune yourself to having a calm and control mindset. Challenges are part and parcel of your life, but you can handle each of them in an appropriate manner when you tackle them with a calm and control mindset.

The good news is, there are a few ways to avoid becoming angry at home. Put these strategies to good use or you can think of other ways. It's important to remember that learning to remain calm is a process that involves time. Be patient with yourself while you embark on achieving a calm and control mindset and behavior changes that will help keep the peace at home.

Strategies to diffuse your anger:

1. Breathe deeply and slowly until you calm down before you say or do anything at all.

2. Focus onthe things you like about the family member, rather than what makes you angry.

3. Talk things over with the family member, rather than barking harsh words to him or her.

4. Be sensitive to your family member's feelings and other aspects that had put him or her in that spot.

5. Walk away for a while before you talk with the family member who'd caused you to be angry.

6. Be clear on what that are expected of every family member, including you, to reduce family squabbles.

Anger is an obstacle to nurturing a peaceful family

Often, when people at home get angry, they tend to shout, yell or argue which lead to straining the bonds in that family. You can make a difference with your family. Instead of saying hurtful words, choose to calm down and focus on finding a solution that takes every family member's needs into consideration.

Get your family members involved in any decision-making process. Make sure that everyone's opinion is considered when deciding on the action to take. Consider every family member's feelings and see that their needs as well as your needs are met. Rest assured that you'll be rewarded with a family that's happier and closer, and you'll experience less anger pangs and more peace in your home!

For more information on Home & Family, please visit http://secretinsider.net

What Is Anger? What Is The Most Common Cause Of Anger? You Encounter It 50+ Times A Day!

By Jeanette Kasper

So far we've realized that our Safety Brain owns us and controls us. Based on illogical, irrational thinking, it decides what is safe or not (remember, the Safety Brain sees every situation as life or death!)

The emotion that triggers the Safety Brain is fear. It bears repeating: 100% of the time, no exceptions, when someone is being difficult she is scared.

Now the question is: Your most difficult person is standing in front of you, right now, and his behaviour is absolutely at its worst IF YOU COULD REMEMBER THAT HE'S SCARED would that change how you deal with him?

62% say YES how I deal with this person would change

25% sit on the fence... maybe

13% invariably sit in the conference room shaking their heads emphatically NO - he's a jerk and it won't change how I deal with him

As an aside, take a look at yourself if you are in the last category. If you are getting a little annoyed and absolutely refuse to consider that it might change your behaviour, you are sitting there, and a fear of yours just got tapped. YOU are getting defensive.

So, let's walk through this.

It's simple easy situations that trigger the Safety Brain to take over.

One of the most fun, for me, is watching people walk into a seminar room for the first time. Every single person will get through the doors, maybe even a few steps, and then they will pause for between a second to 30 seconds.

Why do they pause? People will say "Well I was looking for a place to sit." Or "I was looking for my friends." Or "I wanted to sit at the back." or "I was seeing if there was anyone else I knew."

Those all sound great but they are rationalizing after the fact. Almost all of your behaviour comes from the Safety Brain. We act first... we make decisions... we talk first... and rationalize later! All behaviour comes from our Safety Brain and then we justify with fact.

So what's the emotional reason that we stop at the doors? We are looking for the sabre-toothed tiger. Everyone does it. It's fun to watch. Everyone get's to the door, inside the door and stops, looks around the room "Are there any sabre-toothed tigers in here?" NOPE and you come on in. (When I'm leading a two to five day workshop and discuss this on the first day, the next day some people will remember and deliberately charge into the room in the morning without stopping. And that's fun to watch too!

Watch yourself. Next time you go to a new place for a meeting, a new store, a new restaurant, a new place... watch yourself get in the door and stop. You are doing the same thing, scanning the room for a sabre-toothed tiger.

Yes, it's kind of ridiculous in this day and age, but our Safety Brains are the animalistic part of us, and they are still in control, so old animal kingdom thinking (or non thinking) applies!

Now let's go a step further.

Have you every gone out somewhere and you fully planned on going there (a house party, a restaurant, a bar) you went in, took a look around, got really uncomfortable, and you left? Why did you leave? (Yeah, yeah, a man always says "Well, I accidentally walked into a woman's bathroom once!") And that's always worth a good laugh!

But what I'm talking about is a restaurant, a party, a bar: you took two steps in, took a look around, and left. Can you answer this question: why did you leave?

People will always say, "Well, I saw my ex!" "I saw someone I didn't want to see." "It was dirty." "People were doing drugs." "It was a gay bar and I'm not gay." "It was a bikers' bar." "It was just really uncomfortable." "I just got a feeling."

I would challenge you that you haven't gotten to the real reason. And I would also say that in each of these situations, the reason was exactly the same...

I would suggest that the reason that you left that restaurant, bar, or party is that your Safety Brain took over and decided it wasn't safe. And the REASON your Safety Brain decided it wasn't safe was...
IT DIDN'T MEET YOUR EXPECTATIONS

You weren't expecting a gay bar, bikers' bar, to see your ex, to see that person you didn't like, that people were doing drugs, etc. etc. You weren't expecting it and you didn't like it. That situation didn't meet your expectations. And based on "didn't meet my expectations" your Safety Brain took over and you engaged in a run and hide behaviour. You turned around and left.

You didn't have to leave. You could have decided that people in there would be fun or you could have decided that you would find that one person at the party who could teach you something brand new... gone in and had a great time. That would have been a Thinking Brain way to handle the situation. But you didn't. Your Safety Brain engaged and took you into the run and hide behaviour of leaving.

There's nothing right or wrong with this. Don't get defensive!

Here's the big question:

How many times a day with things NOT MEET YOUR EXPECTATIONS?

And each time something doesn't meet your expectations, your Safety Brain takes over and, based on irrational, illogical thinking, you get defensive... irritated? Annoyed? Frustrated? Outright Anger?

What is anger? What is the biggest most common trigger of anger... it didn't meet my expectations.

I started with a question:

Your most difficult person is standing in front of you right now and her behaviour is absolutely at its worst. If you could remember that she is scared, would it change how you deal with her?

There is only ONE ANSWER.

YES. Yes it will change how you deal with her... because how many times a day do things in her life not meet her expectations?

Except if she's over 40 years old...

Jeanette Kasper -- Your Anger UnTangler
Defuse (or Delete) difficult people in your life. Neutralize your anger. DON'T smack them upside the head! No more bodies buried under the copier!
get your personally signed copy of Jeanette Kasper's best seller "Anger Is NOT An Emotion" from http://angerisnotanemotion.com and pick up thousands of tips and strategies so you can gain control on anger forever!

What Is Anger? The Real Answer Is A Well-Kept Secret And So Practical When You Understand!

By Jeanette Kasper

Out in the animal kingdom, there were only three ways to defend ourselves:

1. fight
2. flight
3. freeze

Let's look at freeze first: have you ever had it happen where something unexpected happens and your mind goes blank, you can't think of a thing to say. You'll find that in those few seconds that your mind is blank you also cannot move a muscle.

This was a great defence mechanism out in the animal world when we faced a sabre-tooth tiger - we knew we couldn't fight it and live. We knew we couldn't out run it. So we froze, hoping it wouldn't see us.

(OK this is just kind of funny. There you are, sitting at your desk, and someone comes storming up to your desk having a temper tantrum and your mind goes blank, you can't think of a thing to say - you have frozen, hoping they won't see you?!) Yeah, this one doesn't work so well in today's world. However, what you will find is that seconds after you freeze you will then either go to fight or flight to continue defending yourself.

Here are some of the behaviours that we classify as "Flight" or run and hide behaviours:

Turn and walk away
hide in the bathroom
the cold shoulder
avoid eye contact
go a different way so you don't have to see that person
pretend to be on the phone
pretend a message is coming in
just give in and do it their way
call in sick
pretend to get sick
crossed arms with avoiding eye contact
just don't answer, don't talk
use excuses
ignore them

Here are some of the behaviours that we classify as "Fight" or attack behaviours:

Anger
Irritation
Annoyance
Frustration
Yelling Aggressive
Pushing
Shoving
Hitting
Spitting Invading someone's personal space
Giving someone THE LOOK
Road Rage
Giving someone the finger
Crossing your arms and staring at someone
Crossing your arms, staring and tapping your foot
Talking over someone
Sarcasm name-calling

What is anger? Think about when someone is angry with you, have you every actually said, "It just felt like he/she was attacking me!"? Bingo! Because that's exactly what the person was doing.

And some people will use a combination of fight-flight - called passive aggressive:

Backstabbing - to that person's face they're nice; behind his back they're nasty - this is a combination of to their face, run and hide; behind their back, attack.

Gossip about that person - to their face you're nice - behind their back, look out.

There is only one reason that we would feel the need to get defensive and either run and hide or attack and that reason is that we are scared. The emotion that triggers the need to defend ourselves is fear.

100% of the time, when someone is being difficult, he or she is scared.

Go one step further.

100% of the Time When YOU Are Being Difficult, YOU ARE SCARED.

So your most difficult person is standing in front of you right now, and he is absolutely at his worst, his very worst behaviour. What's really going on?

He saw something to be scared of. SLAM goes that gateway in his brain shutting off access to his thinking brain. The safety brain takes over and he has a split second to decide "How am I going to get safe?" In that split second, he decided that attacking YOU was the best way to get safe. What is anger but our need to attack someone to get to safety?

Think about this. Your two-year-old is standing in front of you and you are really, really angry at her. How can we find this little itsy-bitsy person dangerous? And yet we've all done it (or is that just me?!) Our safety brains go too far. What about your mother-in-law from hell; how can you find her dangerous? (OH YEAH, that's different! NO it's not - but it might take longer to get there!)

If your difficult person gets along with others, even one or two others, but not you, what is this saying? That there is something in his relationship with you that isn't safe! Here's the other side of the coin! If you find this person difficult and others get along with him fine, then there is something in the relationship that isn't safe for you!

What is anger? Anger is NOT an Emotion (that's the title of my first best-seller) because it's true. The emotion is FEAR and anger is our need to attack someone (sometimes that someone is ourselves) to get safe. And it is physical. It's our attack. And anger is a continuum: from the least little bit of annoyance... through frustration... irritation... anger... right through the blackest rage, we are talking the same thing. The trigger emotion is fear and the anger itself, however great or small, is our physical action (or need) to attack.

And maybe you're thinking that "Nope, when I'm angry, I don't feel scared I don't have any fear, he's just a jerk!"

Actually, you are scared. There are only 5 fears that trigger the safety brain, and as we explore these, you will see that all difficult behaviour stems from one of these 5 fears.

Jeanette Kasper -- Your Anger UnTangler
Defuse (or Delete) difficult people in your life. Neutralize your anger. DON'T smack them upside the head! No more bodies buried under the copier!
For Jeanette's best seller "Anger Is Not An Emotion" go to her website http://angerisnotanemotion.com
Pick up thousands of tips and strategies so you gain control on anger always!

Getting Beyond Irrational Passion That Is Not In Your Control

By Joshua Clayton

Productive action speaks louder than passionate words. I figured that the title would be an interesting one, and the subject a useful one. Anger management, and productively controlling your passion so that you can genuinely achieve what you want in existence and life. To create your life how you want it, you cannot be ruled by fear and passion, you must think and use intuition correctly, in the order of thinking first and then action on what you get from intuition from that thinking. Sure, passion and feeling has its place, but it cannot be primary if you genuinely want to achieve and control situations genuinely.

The most powerful and positive thing you can do in your life is to be disciplined in all things even if you have to force it sometimes, you will thank yourself after the fact of the actions taken if you have disciplined yourself. Sure, discipline may not seem to be in line with intuition, but it is, you can weed through intuitive thoughts with discipline to take the best action from among those thoughts. Intuition without discipline is really gambling when it comes down to it. Intuition with discipline is productive investment really, because you know what you are doing when you take the time and patience to know what you are doing and why you are doing it.

Acting hastily without discipline is never managing your anger or passion well though, because you are taking action without knowing why you are doing it, and you are gambling at a very deep level. Face it, gambling is foolish when it comes to any decisions, important or not important, because you do not know what you are doing and you are taking a hasty and impulsive chance most of the time.

Why do I say "most of the time"? I say that because sometimes out of fear of irrational and horrible loss you unconsciously connect with discipline and careful decision, but most of the time you gamble and "hope for the best". I know, reality is a hard pill to swallow sometimes, but for the genuinely best results ultimately, we all must swallow it, including myself. Everyone must live in and by reality, that is the bottom line here.

So, the point of this article is quite simple when it comes down to the reality of all things in life: To succeed we must discipline ourselves, and never act on fear or irrational passion without thought, and through that rational objective patience and discipline we improve our lives. Life is as good as we make it, and through our own control mechanisms productively used, it is the best. That is also the bottom line. Uncontrolled passion leads to failure, productively controlled thought and action leads to success. We are what we choose to be.

My name is Joshua Clayton, I am a freelance writer based in Inglewood, California. I also write under a few pen-names and aliases, but Joshua Clayton is my real name, and I write by that for the most part now. I am a philosophical writer and objective thinker and honest action taker. I also work at a senior center in Gardena, California as my day job, among other things, but primarily I am a writer.

How to Overcome Powerlessness and Rage - Choose One Now!

By Bryan A Blakeny

Have you ever felt powerless or been the victim of a crime or injustice? We all have at some point in our lives. Were you ever taught in school that feeling powerless or being a victim is a choice we each make? I wasn't! For some of you this probably sounds crazy! Luckily my sanity is still intact, as far as I can tell. I consider that my life may have been much smoother emotionally, and my confidence greater had I known this simple fact.

For me, childhood traumas, being bullied in school, relationship break ups, and being racially profiled over the years had taken their relative toll. As a result I frequently yet quietly questioned my ability to create the life I desired, secretly considering that the universe was conspiring against me. I think back to the years I lived with such fragile self confidence that often seemed to fluctuate as rapidly as a windsock in a thunderstorm. Thankfully I can look back and appreciate knowing what it is like to feel this way. I can certainly empathize and connect with people who experience feelings of powerlessness, who see themselves as victims or believe that the universe is working again them.

In contrast to my more fragile years I now understand that in every situation in life we have a choice and must make a choice in order to live life on our terms and therefore free ourselves from the shackles of victimization and powerlessness! The critical choice we can make at all times is to either change, leave, or accept our circumstances.

Take a moment to think of one of the many times in your life when you were either enraged, offended, greatly saddened, disgusted or overwhelmed by other emotions or thoughts. Was there anything you could have changed about the situation, the thoughts or resulting feelings? If so, what? If not, could you have left the situation sooner? Since we can't change the past just yet, and leaving may not be ideal, we always have the gift of hind-sight and the power of acceptance. Thankfully, if we can remain conscious that we are never a prisoner of our circumstances or feelings, we unlock and empower the latent power of our being to live free, vibrant and truly alive!

Making a choice to change, leave, or accept your circumstance is not always easy. Choosing one of these does not mean you will be happy. It does however allow you to have peace of mind knowing that you made a choice of how you wish to respond-how you wish to be. Consider the following two simple examples.

In the first example which I'm sure we've all experienced, imagine you've left home one morning for school, work, or on a trip. Twenty minutes after leaving, you realize that you forgot something you need. For most of us agitation sets in immediately and various choice words are used... you fill in the rest. In this situation you have several choices. Do you react with swear-words? Do you vent your frustration? Do you decide to continue directly to your destination or do you turn around and return home to get what you need? If you do vent your frustration, is it brief or do you continue to vent all the way to your destination. Do you attempt to contact your boss or school to let them know you may be late or that you may be without something you'll need that day?

With each of these questions we have choices we can make that can calm our emotions, clarify our thinking and maybe even help us arrive safely to our destination. While we are in this situation we can change our approach or react by throwing a sustained fit, drive frantically, and worry about being late or not having what we need. In changing our approach, we can change our old pattern and take a deep breath, acknowledge that we can't change the fact that we left something behind, that anger won't change it, and choose to accept that we'll be empty handed or late that day.

The second example relates to intimate relationships. At any given moment in time, thousands of people are analyzing themselves in their relationships. Many of them are unhappy, feeling stuck or concerned about who they're with and what they really want. It's easy to feel like your life is over, to feel powerless, or that true joy is just not in the cards. It's no wonder there are terms like 'learned helplessness', especially if you've been hanging in there a long time living the status quo.

So, If you're honest with yourself, you may notice feeling both a relief and a bit of fright knowing that you really have a choice, you're no victim and you're not stuck. And you aught to consciousnessly and purposely make a choice that re-aligns you with your soul and unblocks the promptings of your heart. So can you honestly and joyfully accept conditions as they are, unchanged? Can you make changes in the relationship that will release the joy inside? Or will it require leaving the situation to finally allow the sun inside you to shine once again! Remember, the sun is always shining, we just have to make a decision about the clouds in the way!

For the sake of your life and joy, regardless of the circumstances, make a decision to either Change it, Accept it or Leave it! So what will it be?

Whether through initiative or pain, I know you'll choose wisely. Eventually!

Bryan Blakeny is the founder of EQ Education, one of the world's foremost experts on mental, emotional and spiritual health. Passionate about elevating consciousness and the importance of virtues, Bryan is a social psychologist and clinical social worker with a private therapy and coaching practice based in Houston, TX. His practice and seminars uplift and empower adults and teens looking for meaning, connection, and peace? For an inspiring vision of yourself and our world, for incredible solutions that make sense, Bryan Blakeny is a rare gem and ideal guide eager to inspire you for a lifetime!

Bryan Blakeny can be contacted at http://eqeducation.com or http://bryanblakenytherapy.com

It's The Many, SMALL Violences

By Lynn Moore

When large scale violence strikes very close to us, we ask "Why?!"

Whereas Small Violences surround us every day and mostly go ignored.

Its in how adults speak words of anger and belittlement to a child, strike an animal, refuse to eat and still see a fat person in the mirror, assault our bodies with smoke, chemicals, and mountains of crappy foods, scream insults at each other at a fender bender, hurl "the finger" at perfect strangers, tear ourselves down with our self talk, one child bullies another, a man hits a woman, a woman hits a child, sling stinging words at people we profess to love. The list could go on for pages without even escalating to the point of large scale violence using guns, but I think you get the picture.

The Small Violences are akin to rust eating metal, water eroding soil, cancer cells slowly killing its host, apathy destroying a marriage. It is all around us and in us. And for the most part we ignore it, walk past it, shrug it off, momentarily feel badly, or deny it, whether we just witness it or indulge in it.

The multiple wars raging on our planet are large-scale violence, and not the subject of this article, but even within the large scale there is a plethora of Small Violences. Simply showing snippets of images on TV "news", not just shown once but over and over again to continually assault the senses, is one. This Small Violence began with the Viet Nam war. I recall watching on TV as one man in a uniform pointed a gun at the head of another man (civilian) kneeling at his feet with hands tied behind him, and firing a bullet into his head. I still hold that image in my brain. A Small Violence to me and anyone else who saw it.

My point is not to go on and on about the actual violence that is in our daily, hourly, minute-by-minute lives but to remind you to open your ears and eyes and hearts; to acknowledge it when you do see it, hear it, feel it whether you are an observer or a participant.

And herein begins the unfolding answer to "Why?" when mass shootings of innocent people are perpetrated in places likes malls, schools, restaurants and theaters in our own neighborhoods.

We are privy to many examples of violence being the answer to problems in entertainment (movies, TV, books) and 'news' (radio, TV, newspapers) and in our personal reality, than kindness and love. People 'react' more than they 'respond', and with violence instilled into us much more than kindness or love, more often than not the 'reaction' is violent. Add mental illness into the mix and the 'reaction' can escalate to horrific proportions.

Now, I certainly don't profess to have a solution to all the ills propagated by our propensity to violence, but putting bandaids on the symptoms, barricading the large-scale perpetrators of violence in prisons, hospitals or putting them to death, and rattling the sabre of passing new gun laws, is as useless as locking that good 'ol barn door after the cows have escaped.

Here is what I do know: if you want to stop your painful feelings of helplessness and do something that can make a difference, you begin with healing YOU. You carry your own personal wounds of violence, especially Small Violences. Some you are conscious of, but most are unconscious and most occurred when you were a kid and stay with you until you find a way to heal them, if ever.

Just going about my business in public I see some really bad parenting. And if it's that bad in public just imagine what it's like in private. Just the increase in bullying and aggression in kids as an example is a flashing warning sign. Behind all anger is pain and we all have pain. No one escapes.

Your pain can be causing you to self-sabotage in ways you would never recognize. You can have a sub-conscious, constant whisper, "I'm not loveable" going on, perhaps because you were rejected. It only has to happen once; just not being chosen for a team on the playground and left standing alone, or the punch in the gut of a parent walking out on you. This could be the basis of you never being able to have a successful relationship, never getting past an interview for a job, suffer from addictions or never making enough money. Just that one subconscious thought, "I'm not loveable", and dozens more like them. Are they true? Of course not, but your subconscious mind does not know that. Does it make sense that not being chosen for a team could cause this? No, not to your adult mind, but to the child's mind it is huge and we all carry our small child within us all our life.

Did you know that when one person heals it has as domino effect? That's another article, but it's true. How you go about healing yourself will be different for everyone, but it begins with the intention to do so. Once you make the committed decision, a way will be shown to you.

If people took it upon themselves to heal their own wounds first, it would create an ever-widening ripple effect of healing that can first affect the family, the community, the city, the country and eventually the world. Just as a journey begins with one, small step, healing the world of violence can begin with just you.

Since 2004 Lynn has been coaching women in their mid to later years who, after living the normal roles of daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother etc., have reached a place where they ask, "Who am I, really? What is my purpose and what am I here to do as a human being? I sense there is something more for me, a way to contribute, to have a more meaningful life at this stage and to leave a legacy in some way. How do I do that and what is it I'm meant to do?" She is also the creator of the "Goal Compass" and "How to Get What You Want Every Time" Inspirational Goaling programs.

For a free strategy session contact her at lynn@inspirationalgoaling.com or visit her website at http://www.inspirationalgoaling.com Free Ibook available at the website